Sunday, September 13, 2009
So many things that should've been said,
so many things that shouldn't be that way,
so many feelings within me that contradict
I don't know where do i stand now. I feel more and more lost as time goes by.
The worst kind of feeling i can get, is to be void of any feeling. that sort of means something, does it not?
Time is not on my side.Patience wears thin, expectations are dissolving. why do i keep waiting for things that don't seem to come?
I get scared. I get tired of waiting. Bottomline is, I AM STILL A HUMAN. like everyone else, i've my limits and expectations. and disappointment hurts like a dagger in the throat. I don't want honey words, i'm looking for actions that support those words. Something substantial i can see.
Please?
I don't want it to turn out for the worst. Which is why i typed this, and I don't have much time with you left, i hope we can talk more and not a few messages in a few days. Preparing me for your army period? No, i don't want that. draw me closer back to you. cause i think i'm drifting and i'm feeling the distance. Can you do it?
YAY~!
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
CONGRATS TO BABY~!!!! haha! i'm so excited! ((:
and so proud of him. :D
just last night, I went out with baby, eeren, JJ and both their girlfriends. We all went by bike, and baby sped up to 140+ with me at the back luh! scary but fun. hahaha. and now i can't wait for newer one!! :D We went to newton to eat and chat about stuff. We met James there as well as Sasha. the girl that they said looked like me. Hmm..i don't know about that though. Their other friends sitting aroung them kept asking each other who I was. and I kinda felt awkward. heh.
As for my hair, I've decided to take matters into my own hands and change my fringe. to my old side parting. haha!
Wanna go out soon!! :))
Monday, August 03, 2009
I just realised that my workplace politics have taken a slight change. Thank God. So now at least i've acquired a little bit of advantage.
Talked to an old friend recently, and it hit me that so many people ard me are facing relationship problems. Being unable to let go, move on and deal with their r/s. some around me who also return to their previous old habits after their r/s ended. It's kind of amazing, in a perverse sort of way, how a person can change you so much, make you feel so much when they are close to you. And then when they are out of your life, it's like switching off the lights again. But I guess no matter what, these people will always leave something with you, sort of like a scar, or an imprint. Humans are selfish creatures. even though someone may seem to keep giving and be happy giving, deep inside, they'll always want something back. Sad, but i think its true.
Lol. shouldn't think so much le. I'll get headaches and hallucinations, then ruin my day. and someone else's day too. haha!
Work is coming along well i suppose. No big boo-boos to complain about so far, although i'm sure i'll be blogging about it in the near future.
I'm considering signing up for basic japanese classes. and maybe piano classes. and perhaps bike lessons. but maybe i should discuss with my parents for the bike. I need private transport badly.
ALL THE BEST TO BABY FOR TOMORROW!! *Hugs* (:
feels like... :(
Saturday, July 25, 2009
I OFFICIALLY FEEL LIKE SHIT.
Have flu and dry throat. very sleepy.
feeling a little pissed.
don't know who to trust.
I just want to go back into time.so badly..
Friday, July 17, 2009
bah. Just got the new schedule for next week. and the clinic's got 2 new receptionists. I think the both of them are locals, but who knows, maybe they'll turn out to be foreigners? sighs. only got the tuesday off for next week, even though im working the normal 44 hours. (usually the arrangements can be made for 2 off days. i suspect the senior recept is behind all this.)
rented VCDs to watch yesterday. watched underworld evolution, harry potter & phoenix and TWILIGHT. twilight is so romantic luh!!
and my clinic has a jack russell now giving birth. lols. totally random.
at work
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Ah well, yet another day at work. Today seems to be weirdly hot though. I know i should be used to Singapore weather by now, but it always catches me by surprise. hah.
Watched Iceage3 with my colleagues, and found it quite hilarious. But personally I feel 1 and 2 are funnier than this one. I won't exactly regret watching la..just that I wouldn't want to watch it again. :x Wil brother came to my house last night so i could pass him his pay. His hair looks so weird..like, too long and flat. Then mum commented on how thin he was. -.- she can never seem to leave people alone huh... I should seriously start swimming weekly with wil brother again! I'm gaining weight just working and eating and sleeping. haven't exercised in a month le.. :((
Went out with muffin to west coast park on tuesday afternoon. We went to west coast macs to have our lunch. muffin caught a blue 'funky' bee and fed it sprite, then flung it into the bushes. I think the bee will die. After that, we went to a shelter facing the sea and muffin took an afternoon nap on the bench while I sat beside him and enjoyed the sea. nearing the evening, baby and i took a toilet break, and he thinks he heard someone having sex in the cubicles. lols! people ar, getting braver and braver these days.. tsk tsk. after that we went to sit on the rocks and sang songs. I miss spending time like that with muffin...singing songs and leaning on each other. It feels really soothing. as if all your problems have been covered up with a thick curtain and all you want is for that moment to last longer. haha. kua zhang hor.
I Love you so much.. (:
MIA-ed
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Lols. This blog's dead. Haha..
Anyway, just want to take this chance to say sorry to my friends, esp jo, shy and jing, for not being able to come out and play..the job's really taking alot outta me. maybe i'll learn to relax more a month plus later, and then perhaps i'll get more energy to come out and play. haha.
Got my first pay last week! and now already half is used up le. damn. I need to manage my money. Job is...ok i suppose. I guess you can never really expect too much from a job. Every job has its unglam moments. haha. Plus the politics! aye aye...always the politics, the dirty backstabbing. Which is why i like to say 'Love the job, hate the people'.
Not all the people of course. I've a few closer colleagues whom i do feel much easier working around. Sometimes the doctors are not very friendly, sometimes senior recepts like to bully the newbies, sometimes the customers like to think recepts are meant to be shouted at. In other words, its quite a pressurising job. So i think i need to learn how to relax.
Haven't been able to really meet with anyone lately. Even muffin. Met him a few times, and we went to fun places for a day before i had to get back to work again. Went to sentosa, dams and jack's place, L4D. haha. I really hope i can spend more time with muffin. (: Loves.
Job
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
I've gotten the job as receptionist le.. gonna start work next monday. i'm a little nervous and scared though.. i've never had to work for so long before, and i think i've never been so lost before a job. lost in the sense that i've so many new things to learn, and the fact that i've to work and learn, it's kinda scary.
The people there are really really nice though. and i suppose the people there all share a common love for animals, and so we all should be able to get along just fine. i guess. Sighs. i'm abit reluctant to let go of the freedom i have now though. but i know the freedom i have now is actually lazing around doing nothing. but the sudden change from nothing to long hours of work...i'm scared.. :(
which is why i want to spend as much time as i can with baby the remaining of this week. and i think i'll apply for paid leave on Oct 7th. then request for off day on both my bday and baby's. Sighs. scared.
piknik!
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Yesterday I went to kranji dam with muffin to have our picnic! but before that, we went to JP's Fairprice xtra to get our lunch/dinner. We bought...everything you will see in the pictures. haha! then loaded up my backpack with it. super heavy luh! then baby biked us to kranji dam!
We lazed around and ate our bread + tuna until full. baby took a nap on my lap and i watched the birds flying over the reservoir. then we changed place cause we were happily feeding the mozzies as well! stupid mozzies should be made extinct. :(
baby took some nice pictures of the area too!
After we changed places to the entrance, we kinda stayed there till the night. haha. we played black jack, and i lost terribly :( then we tried to make card houses, failing miserably because of the wind. hahs. then there was this 'security' uncle who came to chase away all the china workers fishing there.
Then it was my turn to take a cooler evening nap in muffin's arms. the wind was really quite cold. after that, we changed places again. this time, we crossed the road to another carpark area where we could see Johor. There, we took out our soups to drink, finished up the last tuna can, fed the wild dogs our bread n soup, and slurped up our chicken essence. I was so FULL. lols. after chicken essence, we packed up and then baby sent me home. (: Loves~!
I really had plenty of fun baby!! im glad this picnic turned out well (: Interview on Wednesday!!! :D
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Went to youth fellowship yesterday, it was quite funny, hearing james talk about liberty and love. haha..but it was meaningful, and the discussion afterward was meaningful as well! hmm. and after that, justin, baby and I flew to theodore's house for dinner. i thought we'd be quite late already cause it was around 7pm? but nah, we arrived quite in time for dinner to be served!
Theo cooked for us a korean dinner this time. there's this really really tasty mashed potato and carrot dish, and a surprisingly addictive soup, the korean chicken wing spicy soup (i dunnoe what's it called), a tomato cheese omelette and a mushroom tofu dish. I tell you, i swear that guy can open a restaurant. haha! never fails to come up with new dishes that taste good!! :D but i still love his chicken risotto. hahaha. then after dinner the rest of the group watched a stephen chow show, and i played L4D on theo's desktop. super addictive game!!
the three of us left early. around 1030pm. the two guys sent me home first, then they went to visit sharon who's working at westmall.
and recently, i've been offered a job by a friend's mum, to work at the animal clinic. at clementi there. as a receptionist. i like the idea of it, because ultimately, this exposes me to real clinical situations, and who knows, i can get to learn things from a backdoor way. it's really good, and everyone's been telling me to take the job. thing is, the job's to be full-time, for maybe about a year, i think the working days are mon-sat, and the pay is 1300. does anyone know if it's compulsory to give to CPF if i am working like that? or is it something that the employer and employee can work out tgt?
hai, if there's no rotating shift n really have to work mon-sat, i think i'd be really pooped out. plus i cannot help but think about how am i gonna get time for muffin and i? sunday cannot cos need to go church. then if sun cannot...then...how.. plus his bday? mine? his enlistment??? arghhh!
Singspiration~
Saturday, May 16, 2009
I really want to have a hymn book wor... and of course, learn how to sing those songs! I just saw a new hymn book today! called something like halleujah and hosannas..the songs are much more modern than the majestic hymns, but they only have the guitar chords..i wouldn't mind having the majestic hymns too! after all, majestic has the piano notes so i know roughly how to sing.. but the songs are so nice in hosannas book!! hahaha. I like 'be still and know'!! It's a super nice song can.. haha, went to play captain's ball after service. i stepped on this guy's slipper and it broke lah! I feel so bad.. :( but he managed to repair it.. hahs.
Captain's ball was quite fun, but chaotic.. after that, i went back to the room and talked with issac. his guitar playing is really quite good! and he's really kind to say he'll teach me any song i want to learn from the book. haha. so now i got two teachers!! baby and issac!
baby and justin sent me home after that, and i hope baby gets better soon! (: i wanna go watch angels n demons with him soon.. some private time alone finally! hahs.
I am going to go find a job! part time or temporary work..so i get some money to spare when baby and i decide to go sentosa to watch show and explore and eat fantastically heavenly FOOD. oh the spring chicken and riosotto...*drools* baby will be drooling over their beef steak, which is good as well! the firm on your fork, melts in your mouth kinda beef. hahaha.
Friday, May 15, 2009
I HAVE CRAVINGS FOR LONG JOHN SILVERS!!! A VERY VERY STRONG CRAVING!! T.T
why westmall don't have LJS...:( I want to eat the fries with their cheese!! and their battered fish! all dipped in CHEESE. *drools*
Going to go out with my cousins this sunday. been millions of years since i've last met with all of them tgt.. hah.
sighs, maybe i'd be going for YF tml afternoon, but i don't know what to tell my mum.. :(
and i need moolah.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Bah. I just received two rejection letters from NTU and NUS. super depressing to have to open the both of them in a space of 5 minutes. oh well, i guess i'll just have to find some work to do, save up the money and then try to go somewhere.
i hope i can get to study what i want to. but in money sense, quite impossible.. maybe i'll just consider sticking to business stuff and get bachelors with honors.
baby's falling really sick. i hope he'll get better real soon! he'll be in my prayers.
I want to go church! sighs. and mum's still being very sensitive on the topic, so i try not to talk to her too much about it.. but i wanna goooooo...... maybe this saturday. maybe.
I'VE RECENTLY HAD A STROKE OF INSPIRATION! MAYBE I CAN BE ANIMAL DOCUMENTARY NARRATOR! like sir david attenborough! :D hahahaha..
weeee!
Saturday, May 09, 2009
I'm really happy these days. It's almost as if all my prayers are being answered! I happily lost my job as tuition for the auntie, and there's an unexpected surprise for mum and I. and also, today, God answered my prayers and my mum didn't force me to go to the temple to pray! oh thank God so so much! :D plus my family and i went to eat subway and everyone was happy. just that i don't know if i should ask to go church tml.. :x
Oh well.. anyway, i went for gathering at marina square on wednesday. went with zuoyi, wengkin, congkai, rouqin and I. we ate at yuki yaki, then went to the pool place to play pool! it was real fun to see them again (:
I WANT TO WATCH ANGELS AND DEMONS!! I totally want to watch it. dated dan already. lols. also i want to learn how to play To Zanarkand.. :( i cannot learn by myself sia. boo. so i've decided to ask merlyn and jervis to teach me how! :D wahaha..tis called cousin bonding. talking of cousins, gonna meet the girls on the 16 of may! i can't wait!
It's going to be the 12th soon! and it's my GRADUATION DAY! :D i've got so many things i wanna do! rent a car, do my hair, my makeup, where to go after that etc. and i'm so nervous about going to take my cert! T.T getting cold feet~
I love u baybee! :DD
Feeling better!
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Things have cleared up considerably after church last sunday. (: so now i pretty much leave it up to God to decide, and i've been praying at night for guidance and all. and here are some photos that are taken when mum, dad and i went to ECP for a little break a week or so ago.
The sea view
Daddy was tired from the drive. haha
Looking for seashells!
puffy's windswept face
The Flyer in the dark.
I really hope i can get to go out with baby soon. Like to sentosa or to a park or to a movie to chillax and just be with each other.. (: Loves!!
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Dilemma and Disappointment amongst Happiness.
I'm having this terrible dilemma now, and i'm really confused. but maybe, just maybe, there's an inkling of hope and chance. i just read from tengah BP website, and i just think that there may be a chance of a solution, however cowardly it may seem. but nevertheless, i'll continue asking God to show me a way out.
Disappointment in myself and maybe some people around me. sometimes i've no sense of emotions at all, esp last night, towards muffin. It just seemed like we were friends, nothing more. As if i didn't see him at all...and i'm disappointed for feeling that way. or maybe i'm thinking of something else more important, like my upcoming dilemma, to feel anything else.
Happiness, because i've found something that i believing in... and because i know i've waiting so long, receiving so many invitations from Him.
but then, am i truly accepted by Him?
wtf.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
seriously i don't know what's going on with me these days. i think i'm having really bad mood swings. i get irritated at the smallest things and i feel like scolding everyone, as if everything is pissing me off.
and im now officially still pissed off. what the fuck?
and why can't i contact people i want to contact?!
and why can't my dog leave my soft toy alone?!
and why the weather is so hot?!
why don't i have a uni acceptance letter in my mail?!
wah. fucking pissed. fucking pissed at everything.
told you i've a mood swing.
hmm.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Went to IKEA to purchase the new bed frame and some other things. I officially love IKEA now! It's super carefree there, you can try out all the beds and sofas and chairs, and there won't be any irritating staff hovering over you. I went to eat the food there and i managed to take a picture of the soup of the day. which is some asparagus and something soup. It tasted like mushroom though.
The asparagus soup as mentioned.
I couldn't finish it though..too creamy for me.
anyway, went to church with muffin today, it was an interesting visit and i had alot of mixed emotions and feelings within me. i think muffin is the most understanding person ever! haha. he's being really gracious and patient, something which i've never really seen in all those christians who bug me on the street. and it is also the approach that works with me, i guess. i mean, if i've never met muffin and if i didn't listen to him, i would most probably hate christians now. and i would most probably have continued to misunderstand them. alot of things to think about.
went to ernest's house to do something. i think ernest's dog doesn't like muffin, she kept barking at him. and to keep her quiet, i carried her and walked in circles so baby and ernest could talk properly. after that we went to visit nelson! we all went to the coffee shop to have dinner and talk about the topics during church service. after which baby sent me home. (: loves!
i just thought you should see this. I went to clear my letterbox after you left on your bike, and see what i found! (:
haha.
revamp!
Saturday, April 04, 2009
I'm gonna revamp my room! and of course, mum's room has to be revamped too (to be fair you know -.-).
BUT as far as it's going, my room's gonna get a new double decker bed! and also, i'm gonna change the study table, and a few cupboards, add a mirror and some shelves, a fresh coat of paint if possible. I'll do a before and after shot of my room. but you cannot laugh at my old room!! It's super duper messy.
Will probably be going to IKEA to get the furniture and stuff. cheaper there, dad says.
Hung out with baby on thursday and we spent some well-deserved time together! (: It felt like ages since we could have some private time! haha..we went to Jurong Point too, and he showed me the HelloKitty merchandise shop. it was a really cute shop! the little clutch purses and bags are eye catchingly cute, the kawaii-ne kind of cute! then we went to ntuc xtra to do some random shopping. we looked at alcohol and campbell and searched in vain for salsa sauce. but in the end, baby bought a lobster bisque canned soup and we both got clam chowder cans and a bottle of Perrier sparkling water infused with lime.
According to baby on the phone today, the lobster bisque soup is definitely worth it's $5.95, and according to us on thursday, the bottle of Perrier is as good as throwing our $3 into the bin. It's like antiseptic that you would smell in the hospital. except now, you're tasting it. Sheesh. I don't know why high class people would want to drink sparkling water if they all taste like that.
Baby and I ended off the day eating orh-ya mee sua. i gave my oysters to baby and he says they are good. :x It was a great day spent together =D
I'm looking forward to my new room! and also, perhaps a part-time job, and hopefully some miracle to guide me on my path. lols.
i love you baby (:
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Went for skate yesterday. quite alot of us were there cause there's a photoshoot going on for the club for SDAR. there was a group shot, and then photos were taken of club members skating around the rink and such. i hope theodore uploads the photos soon so i can kope. haha. and then after skate, theo/razer/alicia/roy/macy/weilian/condrey and i went to Thompson road to eat their famous roti prata. which i thought wasn't very special leh.. Talked about the guy on the NewPaper, who got his penis stuck in a bottle for about a week, and is (whoops! 'was') 77 years old. he kinda died of something a few days after his penis got freed by doctors at TTSH. and he had like, about 1 liter of urine which they had to drain outta him! gross! :( so guys, please don't stick your penis in small constricting objects just for the sexual 'high' of it. it just sucks to have it stuck and swollen. ..................ew.
After that we all got onto either theo's or razer's car and they drove us home. i got super sleepy so i slept my way back. i got up enough to tell condrey about some weird dreams i had, then got back to sleep. couldn't open my eyes when they woke me up. theodore's internal car light was like the sun. lols. was rummaging through the boot trying to find my skates in the dark when razer helpfully highbeamed? behind me and provided some source of light. haha. many thanks to theo and razer. reached home at 1am and got nagging as usual, but i was too tired to bother so i trudged off to shower and then sleep.
Earlier in the week i went to The Daily Scoop with the girls and then we went off to JP to walk around and window shop. we ended up buying oyster mee sua and sitting at the benches, slurping up the meesua. It feels damn good. We were also talking about part-time jobs and all. I need to get some income. and i'm feeling like a lazy bum after a talk baby and i had. about how we are growing up and have to be responsible and start thinking of our futures now. sighs. i do not want to grow up. it just hurts so much to be an adult. =(
